“When I was 18 months old I moved with my parents from Sydney to my grandparents farm in Billinudgel. I first started living here in Lismore in 2010. I used to catch the bus from school in Mullumbimby to Lismore to go op shopping. I grew up on a 6 acre hobby farm. My grandparents sold up, left Sydney and moved north. They paid about $15,000 for a beautiful weatherboard house on a property with a creek out in Middle Pocket.
I was an only child spending all my time before and after school roaming the countryside. I use to have a little pack with my food and drink and off I’d go. Sometimes I would go with Pop to help him fix the pumps or feed the cows. I have a 16 year old brother now and he’s cool. He lives with my Dad and Stepmom at Ocean Shores. Mum is amazing. She lives in Alstonville and works for the council in admin.
As a teenager I was very shy and quiet. I was bullied a lot so I kept to myself. It’s awful what kids can do to each other. I think it’s because I was the shy one. Those who are quiet and don’t fight back are easy targets I think. If you have a big personality and assert yourself I don’t think you get bullied. It’s usually the complacent, gentle ones who get bullied. I was very much into music and art so would hole myself up in the art or music rooms and more or less hide from people.
I’ve run into a few of the bullies but I’m at peace with it now. I don’t like the actions people do to hurt others but for me I don’t want to carry that around because it just makes me sick.
I finished school and moved to Sydney. I got a scholarship to go to the University of NSW college of Fine Arts. I was homeless for a while during that time. Trying to find somewhere affordable was really hard. I used to put my bag at Central Station and collect things out of it as I needed. I finally found a squat house where we were sort of paying rent, well some of us were. Being a quiet teenager, never really going out or having much of a network of friends, moving to Sydney, its like the world is your oyster. You can get so caught up partying and I really regret that part of my time there. I learnt a lot which is great but I wasted a lot that time and my health away which was kind of annoying. I guess when you’re working through your own demons, you’re young and you don’t really have any other way of dealing with it, that’s what happens.
I moved to Brisbane, met a French Canadian man and moved to Montreal. I lived there for a year, came back and studied here in Lismore. I then went to Newcastle and studied art and came back here again. I have a studio at home and am up at the uni. I’d love to one day be a lecturer or a studio technician.
I’ve had health issues where I get really exhausted. I’m in the middle of tests and it could either be the thyroid or Endometriosis. It’s hard to diagnose so I need to have a more tests. It’s been about 15 years of pain and lethargy now. So many women have it and it has a high rate of undiagnosis.
At the moment I’m feeling at a bit of a loss of direction. You look back in time and see how many years have been wasted with the health issues. Somedays I couldn’t get out of bed because I felt paralysed. You question whether you are depressed or is it the thyroid causing a chemical reaction. I’d think, I’m not going to do anything rash to myself. You just get through it everyday. Therapy has been great. I’m seeing a Psychologist which is really helpful. Coming to terms with, you’re not broken, you’re not behind in schedule. There is no schedule. Do a little bit every day, write a list and get on with it.
My main problem is when you are feeling like you’re not helping anybody. There’s so much awful stuff going in the world. There’s always trauma and pain and you just want to help. Sometimes I feel guilty coming from an entitled perspective, living in a first world country in a beautiful area. That’s hard! We can’t let that guilt stop us from actually helping. I find doing small things at a time help. Friends obviously, strangers where you can through food or a couple of dollars, a chat. Giving time to people is really important, smiling at people is huge and I love that about Lismore.
I’ve been importing jewellery from a small Indian family in India. I make a small profit but most goes to them and their family. I mainly sell second hand clothes. My Etsy account is Gothic Silver Dragon (laughs) I wanted something that spoke to my teenage goth self. A percentage of the funds go to different organisations predominately within Australia. Refugees and Aboriginal communities with funds going toward education and I also like to give to individuals needing help. That’s one thing I can do. When you’re exhausted getting out there being a front runner is really hard. I’m not a big fan of throwing money at a problem at all but I feel this is something I can do. One of my fave organisations is the MOAS (Migrant Offshore Aid Station). They are the ground team on the scene when refugee boats are in trouble in the sea. They are trained to drag people out of the water which is the crux of lifesaving. They are amazing.
It’s my birthday today. (when we did the interview it was the 26th Oct). I’ve actually never had a party since I was little. I don’t want to. I love having parties for my friends though.
It’s so interesting how everybody in the world has their own way of dealing with that formation of self in the teenage years. You have the oppressors / bullies who are clearly struggling with their own stuff as well which comes out as an aggressive, tormenting way. Then you have the meek and mild people who don’t want to hurt anyone and they are usually bullied. That’s the dichotomy of the world. It’s this phenomena that we have regarding another person. It just creates wars and conflict. It creates racial prejudice and all of this opposition. No one can take away what you have within you so the fear of someone else’s differences are in conflict with your own belief system. You realise it doesn’t matter. It’s not something to be afraid of.
I have a beautiful partner now. We have been together for quite a few years and he is a gem. I love my family. I love them so much. We just had circumstantial things that occurred that made it hard for a nurturing environment to be available at that time. We have worked so hard as a family to mend those emotional and psychological traumas. At the time I wish we had the opportunities that are available to us now back then to heal as a family. To not having to grow up and be 31 today and be like oh my gosh!.. I’m only just learning how to let go of pain and understand where that pain comes from, work with other people and let them in and to realise you are a good person. When you have family trauma, school trauma you think you are a bad person and when you tell yourself that you act accordingly. It’s like a domino effect. It’s all about courage. It’s coming but I have to be patient and work on myself and the world around me.”
I was an only child spending all my time before and after school roaming the countryside. I use to have a little pack with my food and drink and off I’d go. Sometimes I would go with Pop to help him fix the pumps or feed the cows. I have a 16 year old brother now and he’s cool. He lives with my Dad and Stepmom at Ocean Shores. Mum is amazing. She lives in Alstonville and works for the council in admin.
As a teenager I was very shy and quiet. I was bullied a lot so I kept to myself. It’s awful what kids can do to each other. I think it’s because I was the shy one. Those who are quiet and don’t fight back are easy targets I think. If you have a big personality and assert yourself I don’t think you get bullied. It’s usually the complacent, gentle ones who get bullied. I was very much into music and art so would hole myself up in the art or music rooms and more or less hide from people.
I’ve run into a few of the bullies but I’m at peace with it now. I don’t like the actions people do to hurt others but for me I don’t want to carry that around because it just makes me sick.
I finished school and moved to Sydney. I got a scholarship to go to the University of NSW college of Fine Arts. I was homeless for a while during that time. Trying to find somewhere affordable was really hard. I used to put my bag at Central Station and collect things out of it as I needed. I finally found a squat house where we were sort of paying rent, well some of us were. Being a quiet teenager, never really going out or having much of a network of friends, moving to Sydney, its like the world is your oyster. You can get so caught up partying and I really regret that part of my time there. I learnt a lot which is great but I wasted a lot that time and my health away which was kind of annoying. I guess when you’re working through your own demons, you’re young and you don’t really have any other way of dealing with it, that’s what happens.
I moved to Brisbane, met a French Canadian man and moved to Montreal. I lived there for a year, came back and studied here in Lismore. I then went to Newcastle and studied art and came back here again. I have a studio at home and am up at the uni. I’d love to one day be a lecturer or a studio technician.
I’ve had health issues where I get really exhausted. I’m in the middle of tests and it could either be the thyroid or Endometriosis. It’s hard to diagnose so I need to have a more tests. It’s been about 15 years of pain and lethargy now. So many women have it and it has a high rate of undiagnosis.
At the moment I’m feeling at a bit of a loss of direction. You look back in time and see how many years have been wasted with the health issues. Somedays I couldn’t get out of bed because I felt paralysed. You question whether you are depressed or is it the thyroid causing a chemical reaction. I’d think, I’m not going to do anything rash to myself. You just get through it everyday. Therapy has been great. I’m seeing a Psychologist which is really helpful. Coming to terms with, you’re not broken, you’re not behind in schedule. There is no schedule. Do a little bit every day, write a list and get on with it.
My main problem is when you are feeling like you’re not helping anybody. There’s so much awful stuff going in the world. There’s always trauma and pain and you just want to help. Sometimes I feel guilty coming from an entitled perspective, living in a first world country in a beautiful area. That’s hard! We can’t let that guilt stop us from actually helping. I find doing small things at a time help. Friends obviously, strangers where you can through food or a couple of dollars, a chat. Giving time to people is really important, smiling at people is huge and I love that about Lismore.
I’ve been importing jewellery from a small Indian family in India. I make a small profit but most goes to them and their family. I mainly sell second hand clothes. My Etsy account is Gothic Silver Dragon (laughs) I wanted something that spoke to my teenage goth self. A percentage of the funds go to different organisations predominately within Australia. Refugees and Aboriginal communities with funds going toward education and I also like to give to individuals needing help. That’s one thing I can do. When you’re exhausted getting out there being a front runner is really hard. I’m not a big fan of throwing money at a problem at all but I feel this is something I can do. One of my fave organisations is the MOAS (Migrant Offshore Aid Station). They are the ground team on the scene when refugee boats are in trouble in the sea. They are trained to drag people out of the water which is the crux of lifesaving. They are amazing.
It’s my birthday today. (when we did the interview it was the 26th Oct). I’ve actually never had a party since I was little. I don’t want to. I love having parties for my friends though.
It’s so interesting how everybody in the world has their own way of dealing with that formation of self in the teenage years. You have the oppressors / bullies who are clearly struggling with their own stuff as well which comes out as an aggressive, tormenting way. Then you have the meek and mild people who don’t want to hurt anyone and they are usually bullied. That’s the dichotomy of the world. It’s this phenomena that we have regarding another person. It just creates wars and conflict. It creates racial prejudice and all of this opposition. No one can take away what you have within you so the fear of someone else’s differences are in conflict with your own belief system. You realise it doesn’t matter. It’s not something to be afraid of.
I have a beautiful partner now. We have been together for quite a few years and he is a gem. I love my family. I love them so much. We just had circumstantial things that occurred that made it hard for a nurturing environment to be available at that time. We have worked so hard as a family to mend those emotional and psychological traumas. At the time I wish we had the opportunities that are available to us now back then to heal as a family. To not having to grow up and be 31 today and be like oh my gosh!.. I’m only just learning how to let go of pain and understand where that pain comes from, work with other people and let them in and to realise you are a good person. When you have family trauma, school trauma you think you are a bad person and when you tell yourself that you act accordingly. It’s like a domino effect. It’s all about courage. It’s coming but I have to be patient and work on myself and the world around me.”