“ I went back to get the results and she said I’m sorry but its breast cancer! It wasn’t good. When I went originally she said, I don’t really like the feel of this so she sent me off for a mammogram and gave me a referral for a biopsy if required. The guy who did the mammogram came back looking kind of stricken and said he had to do the biopsy. He actually got a bit teary so I knew the news was bad. The doctor told me I needed to see someone, like today! ‘You need to see a surgeon today’! Woah!! I was so shocked. I’d gone from being …you know…to all of a sudden being thrust into the medical rollercoaster world where I had to make decisions so quickly.
It was a large tumour and the doctors were really concerned. They didn’t want to do surgery first because it was so large and in the middle of my chest so they wanted to start with chemo to try and shrink it down a bit. Thank God Lismore has these facilities and the best care. They were amazing in Lismore Base. This was in 2012. It was so scary but Monica Hogan was the breast care nurse at the time in Lismore and she was incredible. I could not have gone through what I went through without her. She was my sounding board when I was fighting to do it naturally and not do chemo. She said ‘No, it’s too far gone, you won’t be doing that.’ She was very practical and very sensible. She was so amazing and a great comfort to me.
All of a sudden I went from being what I thought was super healthy to feeling like I was actually going to die. It was so distressing for my girls. I lost my hair and Poppy couldn’t cope. She was really sad about it. Lily was 16 and really tender too. We did the chemo and I felt really lost at the end of that. I didn’t think I would ever play music again. I was crook as a dog but I was offered to play Mullum Music Festival. I remember the morning of the gig, I had no hair left but I still had some eyebrows and some eyelashes. I remember putting mascara on and as I was applying it my eyelashes were falling out onto the brush. I did the gig though and I was glad I did. It reminded me of life without being so sick.
Not long after in November I had to go and have a double mastectomy. I started radiation in the January. It was the full catastrophe. That was my life for that year till about April 2013. I was so depleted after all that. I reckon it probably took me a year to regain my strength, my immunity and to not freak out over every ache and pain because my prognosis is not great. Having said that we are now in 2018 so that was almost 6 years ago.
I do a yearly check up but I don’t do scans or anything like that because I think the next stage for me would be terminal. My understanding from what my surgeon says.… ‘We are not going to test you because it’s not going to make any difference to your outcome if we find it again.’ I consider myself all clear and that’s the best way to think but I’ve got to stop thinking about the 5 year thing. I remember reading William McInnes’s wife Sarah had this big party to celebrate 5 years free of breast cancer and she bloody well got re-diagnosed a week later. Eight months later she was gone.
I prefer not to have ever been diagnosed with breast cancer. I have had some people say ‘It’s a gift, it’s life changing’. I mean it did make me reassess a few things and realise that we do all die. No-one gets out of that but seriously, I don’t consider it a gift. I did realise that we don’t have heaps of time so we have to make sure we tick the boxes we want to tick.
I always wanted to be a farmer. It was a childhood dream so now we have 16 acres at Lindendale and we are almost through the organic certification process. We are setting all the infrastructure up to be Farmers (laughs). Hopefully this Spring we will start growing. This is a bucket list and I may not have ever done this. It may have always stayed as a little dream.
I think it is hard when you have received a scary health warning. It’s hard to not feel a bit betrayed by your body and to all of a sudden feel so vulnerable. Someone asked me when I was going through treatment, So are you still going to write and do your music? And I said ‘I don’t know I feel so vulnerable.’ She said ‘Well, maybe this is a lesson in how to do vulnerability. When she said it, something rang true with me.
We are all so fragile in that way but we don’t act like that. We act strong and capable but there is so much fragility in all of us.
My reluctance to see doctors early was stupid really. Obviously I could have caught it a lot earlier and in hindsight I know that I was unwell, a bit of nausea, tiredness, etc. It was affecting me but I thought I was just tired. I’ve lived to tell the tale so far and I’m a farmer(laughs), a singing farmer.
I really love being closer to Lismore too. I love coming to town with the new Quad. The new Art Gallery is incredible, new cafes and cool little shops. It’s a credit to the community how Lismore has bounced back better than ever after the flood.”
It was a large tumour and the doctors were really concerned. They didn’t want to do surgery first because it was so large and in the middle of my chest so they wanted to start with chemo to try and shrink it down a bit. Thank God Lismore has these facilities and the best care. They were amazing in Lismore Base. This was in 2012. It was so scary but Monica Hogan was the breast care nurse at the time in Lismore and she was incredible. I could not have gone through what I went through without her. She was my sounding board when I was fighting to do it naturally and not do chemo. She said ‘No, it’s too far gone, you won’t be doing that.’ She was very practical and very sensible. She was so amazing and a great comfort to me.
All of a sudden I went from being what I thought was super healthy to feeling like I was actually going to die. It was so distressing for my girls. I lost my hair and Poppy couldn’t cope. She was really sad about it. Lily was 16 and really tender too. We did the chemo and I felt really lost at the end of that. I didn’t think I would ever play music again. I was crook as a dog but I was offered to play Mullum Music Festival. I remember the morning of the gig, I had no hair left but I still had some eyebrows and some eyelashes. I remember putting mascara on and as I was applying it my eyelashes were falling out onto the brush. I did the gig though and I was glad I did. It reminded me of life without being so sick.
Not long after in November I had to go and have a double mastectomy. I started radiation in the January. It was the full catastrophe. That was my life for that year till about April 2013. I was so depleted after all that. I reckon it probably took me a year to regain my strength, my immunity and to not freak out over every ache and pain because my prognosis is not great. Having said that we are now in 2018 so that was almost 6 years ago.
I do a yearly check up but I don’t do scans or anything like that because I think the next stage for me would be terminal. My understanding from what my surgeon says.… ‘We are not going to test you because it’s not going to make any difference to your outcome if we find it again.’ I consider myself all clear and that’s the best way to think but I’ve got to stop thinking about the 5 year thing. I remember reading William McInnes’s wife Sarah had this big party to celebrate 5 years free of breast cancer and she bloody well got re-diagnosed a week later. Eight months later she was gone.
I prefer not to have ever been diagnosed with breast cancer. I have had some people say ‘It’s a gift, it’s life changing’. I mean it did make me reassess a few things and realise that we do all die. No-one gets out of that but seriously, I don’t consider it a gift. I did realise that we don’t have heaps of time so we have to make sure we tick the boxes we want to tick.
I always wanted to be a farmer. It was a childhood dream so now we have 16 acres at Lindendale and we are almost through the organic certification process. We are setting all the infrastructure up to be Farmers (laughs). Hopefully this Spring we will start growing. This is a bucket list and I may not have ever done this. It may have always stayed as a little dream.
I think it is hard when you have received a scary health warning. It’s hard to not feel a bit betrayed by your body and to all of a sudden feel so vulnerable. Someone asked me when I was going through treatment, So are you still going to write and do your music? And I said ‘I don’t know I feel so vulnerable.’ She said ‘Well, maybe this is a lesson in how to do vulnerability. When she said it, something rang true with me.
We are all so fragile in that way but we don’t act like that. We act strong and capable but there is so much fragility in all of us.
My reluctance to see doctors early was stupid really. Obviously I could have caught it a lot earlier and in hindsight I know that I was unwell, a bit of nausea, tiredness, etc. It was affecting me but I thought I was just tired. I’ve lived to tell the tale so far and I’m a farmer(laughs), a singing farmer.
I really love being closer to Lismore too. I love coming to town with the new Quad. The new Art Gallery is incredible, new cafes and cool little shops. It’s a credit to the community how Lismore has bounced back better than ever after the flood.”