“I was born in Casino in 1965 and apparently my Mum was suffering severely throughout the pregnancy. She actually had bowel cancer at the time and didn’t know. They put it down to pregnancy. She was 32 and was going back and forth to the hospital to try and ease the pain. They were giving her Castor Oil and all sorts of awful things to get this baby moving. It turned out she had a mass in her as well and by then it was too late. I was the third of three, a sister, a brother, then me. My Mum died when I was 18 months old.
My father had a livestock business and we were in Tabulam for a while. I remember going to school there. Dad remarried about 18 months after Mum died. In those days men didn’t do too well without a woman, especially with a family of kids.
When I was two we were on a property with a dam and my brother found me lying face down in the water. Everyone was around the dam clearing and gardening. Apparently my hat was on the top of the water and my brother was yelling..she’s drowning! My aunty couldn’t swim but she got in and saved me. Still to this day I have a fear of dark, murky water.
We moved back to Casino and my stepmother had a child with my Dad. The 3 of us went to family members and were sort of scattered around. My stepmother really didn’t want to take on the family and I suppose I can understand now that would have been huge but it was really hard as a kid. We didn’t see eye to eye and because we weren’t hers we struggled within the family unit. Without going into detail it was tough. As I said I can sort of sympathise a bit now but as a child and you’ve lost your mum it was hard.
I had a special Aunt who I loved and she wanted to adopt me but Dad wouldn’t allow it. When I was small I used to go to work at the depot with Dad a lot because my stepmum didn’t want me there. I absolutely idolised my father. I thought he was the best thing ever but I didn’t feel like he felt the same. I suppose he was busy…. I guess he did the best he could, losing his wife at such a young age with three little kids to raise.
I remember getting into mischief. One time my friend and I rode our horses out of town. No-one knew where we were and I fell of my horse, broke my arm and ended up in Casino hospital for a week. The doctor put the cast on so tight and it cut the circulation off so I nearly lost my arm. I’ll never forget I was in hospital for a week and no-one came near me. No-one came to visit. I was 14 and I can remember the pain. I went to Casino High and got through High School. My stepmum used to drop her daughter to school and I had to catch the bus, stuff like that was just the way it was.
I got kicked out of home and had to fend for myself for a while. I was working in a Chemist in Casino and living in a caravan park at the end of town. That was a bit of a struggle but I managed to get by.
I went out west and worked in Moree and did some nursing. While I was there I did a correspondence beauty course. When I finished I came back to the Northern Rivers and met my husband. He was a Casino guy. We married and my life started to change for the better. It wasn’t long after and I fell pregnant with Jenna.
Jenna came 10 weeks early. I had severe Eclampsia and almost died. I was rushed through to Brisbane. At birth she weighed 2lb 3oz (1 kg) and was the length of a ruler. It was a struggle and I think I suffered post natal depression as I had no idea what to do with this tiny baby. She couldn’t feed so I had to express my milk and bus it to the hospital. I had a great Paediatrician who gave me confidence that I never had. He used to tell me I was doing really well and that helped me.
Three years later we had Gracie. She was born small but healthy and it was lovely to be able to nurse her. When I had Jenna she was kept in a humidicrib in Intensive Care. I used to send my milk up on a bus for her when I couldn’t get there. Everything was going well and I found these little lumps in Gracie’s tummy at 5 weeks old. She was rushed to Brisbane and she had to have an operation. We got through that and she was fine.
The girls grew up in a pretty normal childhood. Jen was in Kindy when we moved to Lismore. Brian had started working at Kirklands and I opened a little beauty salon in Molesworth St where I stayed for about 15 years. We decided to move to Cairns for a few months where I worked for a Doctor but I couldn’t handle the heat so we came back here.
My father moved in with us as he had kidney disease so I looked after him. He was put on Dialysis and ended up in Intensive Care and never came out. That broke my heart.
A few years later Jenna was working as an aged care nurse. She didn’t really like working. She used to say ‘Mum, I want a life you know!’ (laughs). Jenna contracted Influenza A and it really messed her lungs up so for 4 years she was under a Doctor and they decided they wanted to do this treatment on her lungs. I got a phone call at 1.30pm saying ‘Mrs Gardiner I have some sad news. Your daughter is no longer with us.’ We were going up to pick her up as she was meant to be discharged the following day. I said ‘How is that possible, I was talking to her this morning?’. We had to drive to Brisbane. It’s crazy how your mind works at times like that. I was thinking once she sees us there she’ll be ok. We got there and it was just the worst. She was 24. We drove home with a bag with her things in it. I remember her waving at us the last time I ever saw her. The grief was unbearable. Shortly after I lost my sister Jackie to Melanoma which was on the back of her head and then my favourite Aunty Millie died.
There were so many people at Jenna’s funeral it just blew us away. The love that was shown to us was overwhelming. We were so honoured that she was so loved and we were so loved. That first 12 months was hell. Gracie struggles. It’s coming up 5 years since we lost her. I had so many lovely ladies popping into work to check on me.
As time goes on the pain eases. Obviously it never goes away but it gets easier. I have been in this business here for about 6 years. I love my work and my clients.
Gracie now works for North Coast Radiology and she has a little boy so I am a Grandmother. He’s 2 1/2 and he’s the light of our lives. We’ve had so much loss but we’ve been blessed with this darling little baby.“