“Suddenly I was stuck at home and couldn’t do my events. When I did IQ tests at high school I was 155 so I’m not silly, I became isolated as a lot of my friends had left and I wasn’t any fun to talk to anymore. My personality had changed and I’d get overwhelmed and anxious. It was hard for my old friends because you look the same but suddenly you are acting weird.
Dancing actually helped me hugely and was like my tonic. I met new friends on the dance floor at The Winsome. It was a good insight into invisible disability. I’ve learnt now to self manage and it’s really easier for me to be on my own. Facebook actually saved me because there were head injury groups on there and those people got me through. The women’s refuge had workshops on boundaries and that was the best workshop I’ve ever done in my life.
When I was still at the warehouse it was 2007 and everything that could go wrong did. I felt very isolated and I actually said..I give up on humanity and the next day my neighbour Luka came with a kitten who was found on the streets of Nimbin. He was 3 months old and he became the love of my life. I called him Oscar. He was so funny and smart and tested lots of names but he meowed every time I said Oscar. He was a bit wild so he was Oscar Wilde. He was my only constant companion for years. We were never apart until this flood. He travelled everywhere with me in the car. He did 10,000 kms with me. I meowed more than I spoke because we understood each other. He was my best friend and my sole companion. I couldn’t have him here in the flood with my house covered in bitumen. It was too toxic. We were separated for 10 days, I had nowhere to live and Oscar was at my studio.
I need to go back though to 2016. We did an exhibition with 4 other artists as artists with disability. I made my Unravell Egg and that was shown and since gone to many galleries. From 2016 to now I have been doing non stop shows in Gunnedah, Casula Power House, Tumut, Lismore Regional, Bonalbo and I have my solo show still up in Canberra called Museum of Friends #2. I have no idea how I completed it moving 7 times in 2022. I’m very proud to be from Lismore and be regionally based. I’ve been dedicated to this area. I’ve always returned and my heart is here. Museum of Friends #1 was very well received too. I still have my studio in Bonalbo and that’s where I do a lot of work.
In 2017 I had all my tubs packed downstairs because I had someone moving in and I needed the rent money, then the flood hit and they all floated away. 3 rooms of stuff. It only came just below the floor boards up here but my things were downstairs. Then in December 2019 where my studio is, there were 2 fire fronts within a kilometre so I threw out anything that was flammable and I bought everything that was irreplaceable including all my master tapes and years of work back to Lismore. I’ve just lost it all in these last floods. All the Martini night footage, everything. I have 170 tapes and 20 years of my art projects, rare overseas footage from 1990s to 2012. They were on the top shelf here but not high enough. In 2019 I was still travelling and those fires were so huge. I was driving past those fires and it was so distressing.
In 2021I was getting shows up and my flatmate at the time who was also my friend suicided in my house. I can’t tell you how awful that was. I was so sad and traumatised and so angry. I was waking in the night with my heart racing so fast. This was my safe space.
I wasn’t here for the big flood. I was meant to be but I had a tummy bug and I was working at my studio. I was meant to come in with Oscar for a friends birthday but I had a nap at 2pm and when I woke at 4pm I was flooded in. I knew most of my good stuff was up pretty high in the house except for my records. One of the saddest losses is a photograph by artist Darren Siwes. Its called Jingly Kwin and it’s one of four works. I saw it at an exhibition is Sydney called Debil Debil and I was transfixed by it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It confronted me on so many levels (photo in comments). I took 5 years to pay it off. I needed a car more but I loved it and now look what’s happened.
Thank God I wasn’t here because the horror show that my neighbours had to go through. They had already raised the house a metre higher than mine which is 12 metres. I was watching it unfold on FB which was the only place I could get information and I was expecting the 1 in 100 year which would have put 20cm of water through my house. I didn’t get any warnings and there was nothing to indicate it was going to go so high. I heard it was going to be 13.5 meters on Facebook conversationsand I was like Holy Shit! It came fast. We got the tsunami at 1.30 in the morning. Across the road from my place Rahima is on her roof with her 2 bunnies and her cats and her house was on fire. My next door neighbours are on their front verandah with water coming up to their chests watching Rahima’s house burst into flames and she’s on her roof. Thank God for Troy Matthews from Lickiss had a boat which was really hard to get to but he did and he went and saved her. He’s a hero.
My house filled with contaniments from the Boral plant. If I’d been here and gone up into my attic I would have died of fumes. Boral closed that plant over 2 years ago on 48 hours notice. We’re still in conversation to see what can happen. It’s a nightmare. My whole house is caked in bitumen, kerosene, diesel and hydrocarbons. I’ve been told my home is a knockdown or a total strip out. I’d prefer a strip out because this home has been my base for 33 years. What is sad as these old homes are made from irreplaceable timbers. It’s almost a year later and I still don’t know what can happen. I’ve had some beautiful people checking in on me which I’m grateful for.
I’m battling for insurance and I’m not being greedy. I would like my house covered and some of my contents. I have a sculpture her that I did with Urban Arts project cost $20,000. I need it fixed and I need somewhere else to live right now. I’m in here because I broke my ankle. I can’t use a camp toilet with my ankle. I’ve washed the room I’m in right now so I have a room and I have to work here. For the first 4 months I moved 7 times, living out of plastic tubs in my ute. I just don’t know what’s going to happen.It’s weird being here now because people’s homes are being demolished. People say, Ah well, l you just need to get on with it!…and it’s like F#*k off!
I’d kept Oscar at the studio where he was safe and a friend offered a little flat under their house. I was so happy I could have Oscar there. I never let him out at night and he spent all night mousing in the house. He was a bit off colour and he’d eaten mice that had been baited. The flat owner didn’t use baits but it was a high density area so mouse could have come from anywhere. I took him to my Vet in Casino and she called me to say I had to take him to the Gold Coast Vet. My $3,000 flood money I got went on the Vet. I thought he was going to make it but they called at 2am and I lost him. I feel so devastated. He was the love of my life.”
