I left Kingaroy High school when I was 16 and I left home pretty early. I had good friends, I worked hard. School in my country town only went to Year 10 because I think there was never a real call for someone to go further than that. It was still nice, I am still friends with some of those kids. It was a hard childhood but I was always very loved. I was always told how much I was loved and how amazing I was. I think that kids that are growing up and told they are shit, often fulfill that title. I was lucky enough to grow up with self confidence and I think that’s a bonus when bad things happen and surviving as I did as a kid, I knew I would get through it. They have to die though, there’s only one way out (laughs). I don’t think it should be that dramatic.
I was 6 foot tall at 14 and I was one of those girls that people thought I was about 20. When I left home I went to Uni in Brisbane and worked in a modelling agency for a year. It was funny because being beautiful and tall was an achievement. It never really felt right for me and then one day I realised all these constructs were created and they weren’t absolute truths. That was really liberating as a young woman. I remember that really clearly and I think my family did too. They said, What happened to you? They sent off a sweet 1985 Blonde, makeup wearing girl to a city and I came back with my head shaved wearing a singlet, shorts and Doc Martens. That was the only time my Mum who is also a feminist said to me…It’s like you’re trying to look ugly. (laughs).
I did artist modelling all through uni which was my main income. I started off with art classes and ended up working for individual artists doing some weird installation work and working with them for their exhibitions. I used to get $30 an hour which was a lot back then. All I had to do was be in the nude and just sit there or hang upside down from a bike. One guy liked doing weird stuff, not sexual weird but stuff like being wrapped in glad-wrap and other various weird stuff. I loved it as I was getting paid for not working very hard.
I had a lot of relationships. One of my first relationships was with a Catholic Priest when I first moved to Brisbane. He’s such a predator. It’s only now since they’ve broadened the age of what a vulnerable person is…. And I was only just 17. He was in his early 30’s. If I so choose I could actually put in a complaint and sometimes I think, do I or don’t I? I don’t feel adversely affected by it bit I do think he’s probably done it to a lot of people. He was a relieving Priest and got to know me and my Mum. He said, ‘When you move to Brisbane I’ll show you around’ because I didn’t know anyone. He used to take me out to dinner and to galleries which was a part of the grooming process and eventually the relationship became sexual. It went for about 6 months. I never told Mum about it till much later. Eventually he burst into tears and told me he was gay. Obviously he was battling with his sexuality trying to work out whether he was gay or straight or a Priest. He is up on the Gold Coast now and is in quite a high position in the church. He must get nervous sometimes as I do quite a lot of work on the Gold Coast and because I’m pretty outspoken, he must have a few sleepless nights thinking will she do this one day or not? Because I might.
It’s a bit like date rape. You may not perceive it as rape because you were asked out by someone. That relationship with him, I only realised later was such an abuse of his power. It’s confusing as a young woman when you like someone. I felt flattered and I loved the attention and you confuse that with it being ok and it’s no way ok.
I ran into him…Oh he gives me the creeps. I saw him this one time and he didn’t recognise me of course because now I’m a woman and not a girl. He walked past me and I just went cold. He looks heaps like George Pell which makes it even worse. He should be nervous because one day, when I get round to it he might be in trouble. He probably did it to a lot of boys and girls. He certainly didn’t use any protection. I could have very easily fallen pregnant. I’m a very fertile woman and I wasn’t taking the pill. The 80’s were such a risky time and I remember going to get fully tested because that is exactly the circumstances where you can get HIV. That era and someone who is in denial about his sexuality, who feels he’s undercover in a sense because of what he does and not taking any responsibility for his actions. The reason he liked me was because I made him feel like he was straight. He was attracted to me and then eventually he said… Well I guess if I’m no longer attracted to you then I must be gay. Pretty hard for a young woman to be told..Don’t worry, you’ve confirmed I’m gay!”