“I remember him sounding shocked, not surprisingly. I remember him saying he thought my birth mother was seeing someone else at that time. He said he was coming to Sydney for his brother’s birthday and that he wanted a DNA test done. We met at my doctor’s surgery in Oxford St. We had the blood tests taken and I presumed he would pay for it. I didn’t feel a connection with him. He didn’t look like me and he was shorter. I thought maybe you just don’t feel it with dads. A few weeks later the doctor’s called asking if I was going to go ahead with the test. I assumed it was paid for by him. It hadn’t been. I rang my birth mother and asked whether she was sure that he was my father? She told me he was. I had no reason not to believe her so I wrote him a letter and basically said…I’ve checked with Greta and she confirmed you are my father and …basically we haven’t had any contact since. We never had the test because I thought well, why would she lie? We could’ve found out. If I’d known then what I know now I would have taken a loan out and paid for the test.…A missed opportunity and so frustrating.
A few years ago a friend asked if I would be interested to find family members on Ancestry as she’d known I’d done my DNA test. I was definitely keen for this. She came back and said, you only have 90 matches and most people have over 400. All of my matches just kept leading back to my maternal side. She said.… Your parents could actually be related. She said she could take my DNA and put it on a site that can check that. I said, Please do! I had a few days of having a major identify crisis. A big mindf#@k. That is a whole different component I hadn’t ever thought of. I came to the whole realisation of… Oh well, I am who I am and I’m ok. Results came back that showed I wasn’t, they weren’t! He had told me when we met that his family was from quite a well known large colonial family so as I knew this I also knew I’d definitely have some matches if that was my family. Either he’s not my father, he himself was adopted or he is from a European country that doesn’t allow testing. Greta had moved back from the States and she wanted to have a chat with me. I talked to her about the DNA stuff and I said I realise there might be trauma around this part of your life and I’m sorry if it does trigger anything for you. However it feels to me that he might not be my father because nothing in my DNA suggests that he is. She was quite reactive and said sternly that he was my father. I just left it there and I haven’t spoken to her since. I felt like her responding like that left me no point. What I did do was sought out a case worker through the Benevolent Society who I told the story to. I had to reapply for all my records again. Due to Covid it took a year and a half to get those records. I have just written a letter to the man who might be my birth father. It was almost an apology letter. I think I was inconsiderate and I was forthright and selfish around it at the time we met. I didn’t really consider him and obviously with age I can look back and see I was insensitive. Now we are at the point that in the next week or so he will receive that letter and I don’t even know if he’s still alive. It would be just so good to get the DNA test done and this time I’m happy to pay for it. I just want to know.
We moved to Lismore because we could afford to buy our first house and so we chose Dunoon. It was a sweet little village with only about 400 people at that time. I still worked part time in law firms and after I had Floyd I worked at Tafe with a good group of women. When Floyd was 2 we bought the business, Northern Rivers Pottery Supplies and a whole new world opened up to me with that business. I felt like I got to know the art community and it was so great to be a part of that community. I learnt a hell of a lot in that 8 years. I learnt a lot of new skills and I learnt a lot about myself. I remember I really felt close to this community through Bentley. I would wake up at 4am, breastfeed Floyd, drive there and watch all the cars arriving in the pitch black and what amazing days. So many tears and such comradery. That really pulled this community together. It was amazing. I’ve joined The Greens now so I feel like I’m an active member of them when I have time. We are really lucky to have a good Greens group here. They are a great group of people. After we sold the business we drove down to Tassie for a holiday. We ended up buying a block of land down there. We will eventually put a little shack on it. It’s really pretty. I have a great job now working at a local feminist service. I love working with women for women. It feels right. I can’t leave this community. I can’t even think of anywhere that could replicate this community.
So the mystery of my paternal bloodline continues, hopefully there will be a resolution and conclusion soon. I feel like it’s my right. It’s my birthright!”