“We lived in migrant hostels in Melbourne for a couple of years. The women went to work in the Johnson & Johnson’s factory. They got paid as to how fast they could pack the boxes and she was pretty hopeless coming from a Communist country. She said the Greek ladies were amazing. George went to the Dunlop Tyre factory across the road to work.
They had many fights. There was lots of throwing. He was unfaithful so that was another violent, unhappy marriage which went on and on. Eventually he became a drug dealer and a heroin addict. She just kept trying to run away. She had a very powerful fight or flight response to these times. She would flight so I would be woken up, told to hop on a train or bus at any time of night or day. I went to 13 primary schools and we moved from place to place. Back then in Sydney there were ‘for rent’ signs in windows. We just hopped in wherever but he would always find us. He would ring up schools and because I have an unusual name he would say I’m looking for my daughter or have you got a new enrolment. He’d stand outside the school and wait for me to get out. I always walked home so he would follow me home. Eventually he went to jail.
I have to say that the Labour government and Gough Whitlam saved my life because I think it was about 1973, he brought in the single mothers pension and my mother got a housing commission flat and she got the pension. Before that life was very hard and she was dependant on a drug dealer. I was starting high school then but prior to that I had the most horrendous, traumatic time. My mother was taking drugs as well. We were basically living in a den with junkies and dealers. My lounge room was a coffee table covered in drug paraphernalia and various drugs and circle of cushions with people who were all out of it. Bad things happened and I have PTSD though I’m good now. I was told by my stepfather…If you ever tell anybody what’s happening they will take your mother away and put her in prison and you won’t see her again. Don’t tell your teachers, your friends, no-one. I didn’t realise what it was I wasn’t meant to be talking about. At the time they were packaging a huge big red case of marijuana into little packs. They were putting labels on with a sun on it. I was intrigued because it was a beautiful picture. I was asking and they said it was a special tobacco. I had no idea and was planting the seeds and growing pot on my window sill as they had said it was a beautiful plant with blue flowers. One day I got home from school they’d pulled all the plants out that I’d been looking after. When he said ..Don’t talk about anything, he meant the drugs but I didn’t know so I just stopped talking about anything, about myself, where I lived, about my past, about anything. I never brought kids to my house.
The other night I woke up and I had all these thoughts. I said to myself, you are 57, they’re all dead now, you have grandchildren and my husband was lying next to me. I thought you are married to a lovely 60 year old man, you have 3 beautiful children, 2 gorgeous grandchildren and you have this beautiful life. It’s ok! Sometimes I just have to remind myself if I’m having a bad day.
My mother had psychotic episodes and was put into a mental institution – Callan Park. Everybody fled from the house fearing the police would come so I was left there. I was 10 years old. I had a friend in Paddington from a Dutch family and I used to go to her house all the time. I was very glum and I think I was depressed. I used to draw because I could express myself through my drawings and people liked my drawings so it was a way of connecting with people. I never knew what kids rooms looked like. I’d never had one. I was amazed when I went to a friend’s house, they had a bedroom. One girl had a hungry hippos game I’d seen on TV and I was amazed. We played it and I always wanted that game. The other day I went to my friend’s house with my granddaughter and she had it. I played it and I thought I can do it now.
We were living in the housing commission flat, I was in high school, my stepfather was in prison and life felt pretty good. Mum got a job at a Bridge club serving tea. Mum didn’t do heroin, it didn’t agree with her but she did acid and would go into terrible Psychosis. I won’t go into detail but they would lock her in the room with me. She got down to 40 kilos.
My Dutch friend’s mother asked me what the matter was one day because I looked so sad all the time and dishevelled. I only remember wearing jeans and a shirt. I can’t remember having anything nice. I felt so awful and I looked terrible and I started to cry. I said ‘My mother is acting funny’ I didn’t know how to say she’s psychotic and mad and I’m in trouble. She went over and someone answered the door off their face. She called the family welfare people. I think it was due to me that time came to an end and I felt guilty about it all my life. My mother hated being in the mental asylum but they did heal her. I know my mother and my grandmother loved me and I know they were kind. Life was just very hard.”