This morning Jenny came to visit me. We’d organised a catch up morning tea. There was no intention to do a story but so many people contact me to ask how Jenny is doing and I’m not always up to date so she kindly agreed to fill us in on where things are now with her health.
Jenny Dowell –
“Today the 20th January is a big day for me. In the last two weeks I’ve had a blood test and also a CT scan with tracer dyes to look at what is happening with my cancer from my skull to the base of my spine and also, what’s happening in my brain. Today I see the Oncologist and I’m expecting that while the cancer treatment may have done some things to stall whatever, I don’t feel well and I feel I’m deteriorating. My expectation is that it’s time for me to make some decisions about on-going treatment.
At the moment my treatment is divided into two different lots – pain management and it’s also the cancer meds that I take, hormone blockers and suppressants that work on the hormones that feed the cancer. I’m expecting that I will have some opportunity to talk about my quality of life.
I’m still losing weight, I’m struggling to eat. Food doesn’t interest me at all but I know I have to eat something. I force myself to eat a little, Sustagen and things like that to keep up a bit of strength. I have no feeling of hunger at all.
I feel like I’d like to progress this and that means going into the Palliative Care stage of life and hopefully at home. There’s a lot of things that will come out of today’s discussion. I know we have a fabulous Palliative Care team here. I know I can stay at home unless something like a fall puts me in hospital. My family is all supportive of whatever decisions I make.
I’m getting my affairs in order, even to the point of planning a funeral and writing a eulogy. I’ve chosen who I want to be my Celebrant and Funeral Director and what music I want, that kind of stuff. It’s quite a good feeling to have some control and people who die suddenly don’t have that opportunity, so I feel very fortunate to have time. My energy levels are very low but each day I choose something that makes me move. This week at Parkrun will be my last Parkrun Director role because I physically can’t do it, but I will continue to participate in Parkrun in some way as a volunteer in a stationary position (laughs) for as long as I can. I was here for the very first Parkrun and I don’t know if I will be here for the 10th anniversary Parkrun in April, but it’s been a huge part of my life.
I’m still involved with Red Cross. We had a meeting yesterday about the plans for the year and there is some exciting things happening. We have wonderful leadership in the employed space and I work with a fabulous team leader Irene Dawson so I want to be involved as much as I can. There’s a few things that I will do until I no longer can. I’ve just sent off today my book review for the Regional Library’s February newsletter. I’ve been doing that for about 8 years and I have two more in the wind. That will probably see me through, I don’t think I can do anymore book reviews.
My reality is, I sleep a lot, my attention wanes as I’m reading and I can’t read as much as I did. I still have 6 books beside the bed. The changes I’m noticing are pain in my skull and I’m noticing my thinking isn’t as clear as it was. I’m noticing more lumps under my right arm which is not the arm that I had the cancer and lymph nodes removed 17 years ago. I’m noticing a thickening on my coccyx and I find it uncomfortable to sit.
I have a group of friends whom I communicate with regularly, whether by text, phone or meeting for a coffee and they’re in a similar boat to me or perhaps have a chronic illness, and we can have these really frank discussions about the reality of it but also the people who’ve stepped up and reached out, you don’t expect, and those who’ve not stepped up or reached out that you thought might. It’s an interesting experience, this dying one.
Time has gone out the window. I’m much more comfortable in sitting and doing or not doing for as long as I can. People have become more important than things and activities. It’s quite rejuvenating to sit down with someone and have a heart to heart conversation. Also, I know I can keep confidences really well, I’ve always done that. I feel that I trust the people close to me and they trust me. I feel that this period of reflection and just being is quite a learning experience as well.
I’ve gone right through all my Mayoral stuff and I was just going to throw it out but the Historical Society said NO!! we’ll have it! They’re in a terrible situation so I don’t know….. but I’ve labelled that to them. There are things I want to go to specific places and others I’m giving away things. I have a fabulous group of women I went to Teachers College with and we started in 1968 and we’re still friends. I went through all my brooches, necklaces and scarves and chose something for each one and sent them off. I chose brooches for the women I did canteen with and I took those to our December lunch.
I was meant to go bushwalking in three weeks to the Snowy Mountains with a group of local women. I was so looking forward to it as I’ve done a lot of bushwalking. I had to withdraw because my body is not up to it. One of the women suggested I pick some flowers from my garden, give them to her, she will press them and take them to the Snowy Mountains so a little bit of me will be spread around.
The good thing about having time to prepare for death, is you can do things like that and steadily think about what I want to give to people as a part of me.
That’s probably plenty.”