“ My brother and I come from a broken family. My parents split when we were in primary school. My dad moved to a farm at the bottom of the Dorrigo mountains so we grew up in this pristine, luscious environment. When Mum and Dad broke up, every fortnight Dad would come and pick us up, always on time. He stayed there close to 30 years before moving. My mum had dad broke up and she moved to Sydney. I was off- loaded to aunts and uncles for a while. My brother and I came back together around Year 6.
Mum came to live in Maclean then Tempe, onto Blackett then we moved again to Cowper all in Year 6. When I was in Year 7 Mum said she needed to get her life together. She was in a relationship that was’nt really ok with the same guy that broke up her marriage so she was moving, sometimes to escape him, sometimes to be closer to him. We did 2 high schools in Year 7. In Year 8 we lived with Dad so Mum could sort herself out. We moved back to Mum again, went to school in Sydney then we moved to Brisbane so in Year 11 and 12 my father said “You need to settle, so I’m sending you to boarding school.”
Off I went to this boarding school in Tamworth. I didn’t know anyone and there was only 2 Aboriginal people. My brother started there at the boys school. He didn’t stay as he said he couldn’t but he excelled in sport. We had such a close relationship but I think a lot of that is because of the times I was getting him up and off to school. It felt like it was just the two of us. There were people around somewhere but just having to rely on that constant. I remember from Year 6 getting us up and ready, making his breakfast and out the door. Lets go!. There’s 18 months between us and we are still close.
I finished boarding school. Mum had a traumatic life. She ended up with socio bipolar and when she has an episode it comes out with schizophrenic effects. It’s intense! She was never into heavy drugs. She would just smoke a bit and drink a bit but she was just never properly diagnosed.She spent some time in Richmond Clinic and I met my partner about 3 weeks after. We had to pick Mum up from the clinic. She would stay with my Nan as we weren’t sure how stable she was. My Nan is 75 and getting on so at one stage I decided to live with mum. I had a one year old and was pregnant with my second and she had an episode. It was so full on. After the birth of my baby we moved out but she wouldn’t let us back in the house so we had no belongings. Once we got her into hospital we were ok and could retrieve our things.
I remember it was coming up to Christmas that year and I had found us a home in Wollongbar. We had blankets and porta-cots for the kids so they were fine but I remember Vinnies coming around and dropping off towels and Christmas treats. We had a roof over our heads. It seemed to be every 3 years she would have an episode. Always different but always intense. She would lash out at people or think people were talking about her. I now take her to her appointments so it’s a constant. I have to be careful because my brother hasn’t seen the episodes so he doesn’t understand. I get called by mental health almost daily and get called out of work sometimes. I had to put up boundaries and I know when she is not good she is not allowed in my home. I need my kids to feel safe and I need to feel safe. At the moment she is travelling really well, she texts me daily and she helps me out sometimes with the children.
At the end of Year 6 my Dad met my step mum and she moved to the farm with him. It was so good for him to meet someone after Mum. They had 2 boys. When I finished my HSC it wasn’t offered for me to live with them. I felt as though there wasn’t enough room for me. Mum was having an episode so I went and lived with my step-mum’s sister then Sydney with an uncles ex. I then met my husband. We’ve been together since 2001.
My dad passed away 2 years ago. Dad was amazing. He always tried to do the right thing and fix it. He was always a listening ear but never judgemental. He wanted us call him, just to hear our voices and he would always listen. He did battle with drinking towards the end. It was always a social thing. The boys would rock up after work for a couple of beers at the end of the day. Because he lived on the main road at Thora people would often drop in. It became a problem so he and my step-mums relationship ended over it. He wasn’t working, his position was made redundant. He felt like he wasn’t providing for his family and fell into a hole. He went to rehab for 3 months and I picked him up with his dogs and took him to friends house at Thora. He ended up in Coonamble on a farm and had a heart attack. He was 53. I went and spent time with him beforehand and he wasn’t in a good place because he wasn’t providing for his family, didn’t have that connection and he was such a ‘connection’ person. We would sing ‘Raindrops on roses’ to each other on the phone…(cries).
I got accepted into Primary School teaching on a scholarship at Newcastle Uni but I met my future husband. He was in Armidale so we moved there with his family. I felt like I needed somewhere to belong as well because I didn’t have much. My brother at that time was living with Dad doing his HSC. He had made it to state and nationals for running, playing football, tutoring and doing after hours advanced subjects. He spent most of his time in Bellingen and became very independent at a young age. His name is Clarence but we call him Christopher (middle name) because my Dads name was Clarence.
My fathers parents are Dutch and my mother is Aboriginal. Their family is very loving and I just recently spent the weekend with my Oma. My Mums side were from Maclean and my Grandparents from Holland settled on the road to Brooms Head. The Bruinsma Grass trees, that’s my Dad’s surname. My aunt’s son is now running that business. That was my name until I married.
My husband has his own story but he was drinking heavily and I had seen signs with other families with Dads not being around and I didn’t want that. My father was a huge part of my life. I went out with him at 5am to help on the farm. You’d do the chores so you could get home and have a yarn and a game of cards. My husband starting working in Lismore at TAFE and they had an opening for Admin which is where I ended up working. I also did some work at Grafton and Maclean TAFE. I did project support and a bit of executive assistant work. I ended up getting my Diploma in Admin. I started taking on youth projects from Tweed to Great Lakes. With 2 young kids I needed to step back and in 2011 I went into job services.
In 2011 we got the call to do training to become carers. In 2012 we got the call to become foster carers for a young boy who needed a home. We had looked after kids over the holidays as respite carers so we asked how long it would be. They said, ‘probably till he is 18 but we desperately need somewhere now’. He came at just 5 months old. Just yesterday we picked up his portraits we had done up at the square. He’s in kindy now. When he came to us he was severely constipated with weepy eyes. His diet was awful. We cleared up all his problems including his supposed Conjunctivitis that turned out to be Hayfever. He was being excluded from daycare because they thought it was Conjunctivitis. Close to our 10 years anniversary my hubby had been 6 months sober so we decided to get married on our anniversary. Our gorgeous young boy came along in 2012.
I took over the management of First Sun for a while then I ended up going off and starting my own business, admin support, office and business management. Then my Dad passed. We ended up having his funeral at Coffs and back to the Bellingen tavern. My Nan organised a bus to come up from Maclean for his community there. The place was overflowing and absolutely beautiful.
This year I picked up work with Rekindling the Spirit so we had a big event. I met Peter Frare who is an amazing video / documentary maker because I sit on the board for Ngunya Jarjum and he did a story on me as a foster carer. You can see the video on his page.
Four years ago my daughter was playing Netball and I had a lady approach me for my daughter to play netball in an Aboriginal team to go to Newcastle for a tournament. What followed was we formed a Netball club and now we have have about 12 teams. I undertook training in coaching accreditation and have now achieved the foundation and development coaching levels. This enabled me to coach an Australian Indigenous under 12’s team in 2016 and Indigenous National under 13’s in 2016. Now an under 12’s team in Lismore 2017, and indigenous QLD team at the state tournament in 2017. Trainee coach Lismore Opens Rep team 2017 to Samsung State Championships.
I really feel like I am starting to work on me and what I want to do. I have been managing a housing Bundjalung Tribal Society for the last year and it’s a part time job, rewarding in the relationships that you build but I’ve actually resigned and I’m not sure why. I was offered to start a new program across the North Coast but it’s not public knowledge yet. I also do radio on River FM once a fortnight which puts me out of my comfort zone.
I do lots! My children are all into their sports, dance, basketball, soccer, touch, which keeps us busy. My little foster boy who is 6 in August has been suspended a few times. He’s only seen his real mum 3 times in 6 years. We’ve added fish oil and probiotics to his diet and in the last 6 weeks the change has been amazing. He’s never had sugar in his diet as if he did he was extremely hyper. Toward the end of last year we all went to a more plant based diet to help the kids and we all needed to get healthy. So we are primarily vegan but we allow the kids to have protein as well. They have a new found love of avocados. The kids are well grounded. The eldest is in Trinity. We received the letter last week so the youngest girl is also accepted into Trinity.
I’ve had trouble over the past with anxiety over jealousy and separation when my husband was out all the time but now we talk and communicate and we are in a good space. Things have really turned. I remember years ago someone asked me for my opinion on something and I burst into tears. I had never been asked for my opinion on anything. I mentioned that to my husband not long ago and I said ‘You don’t know how important it is to give someone a voice’ and now I don’t stop talking. Life’s good. I have some really strong people around me and we focus on the happiness and how to step forward. We don’t focus on the bad or the negative so it’s good to have good people around and hugs. I’m a hugger.”