“I was born in a small village in Kerala on the South west coast of India. Growing up in the 70’s, my childhood memories are of being a free range kid swimming in the big communal pond nearby, paddy fields, creeks, chasing tiny fish, dragon flies and just joyful times with your friends. All my memories of childhood are happy.
My dad was a Politician and my mum stayed home. We had cows, goats and chickens and when I was about 11 my family had a general store. My 2 brothers, sister and I all contributed to working in the store while we were studying. In my teens I played cricket and went to my local government school. Malayalam is my mother tongue which is the state language of Kerala and the only language I spoke growing up. I started learning basic English when I was 12. By the time I finished my Bachelor of Science I could read and write well. We used to write in Manglish which was a mix of Malayalam and English because in Science as long as you got the answers right, all was good. My teachers weren’t that great at English either.
I finished my degree and went to Bangalore where I could learn English. I started speaking English properly when I was 19. After finishing my degree I went on to do my Masters in Social Work. I was studying in Madras and I got into the area of HIV and Aids which at the time was becoming a big issue. My placement was in Madras which is now called Chennai. I was the Project Officer for a major research and education centre which was driven by Dr Suniti Solomon who documented the first case of HIV in India. It was pretty much the centre of Aids research and education in India. Suniti was a Virologist and well known. I had the opportunity to mingle with quite a few Internationally recognised people in the field.
A volunteer from Australia came to train us in running workshops in Sexual Health. Her name was Bronwyn and she was from Family Planning NSW. She was also on a program with an Australian girl called Abby. I met Abby who was also on a volunteer program. Her background was Soil Science, a completely different field but I met Abby through Bronwyn in 1993. It was a contentious meeting as I thought she had a boyfriend and was taken. I wasn’t too worried as we had 1.3 Billion people in India (laughs). I liked her but I think it took another year when the boyfriend appeared again who happened to be just a friend. She never told me he was just a friend so I had always assumed he was the boyfriend. When I found out she was single we got involved in a different way in 1994. I invited Abby, Bronwyn and the group back to my family farm in Kerala which was 700 kms away from Madras and that’s when my relationship started with Abby.
It was a bit of an issue with my family as my sister said, ‘Looks like Frank might go to Australia to live.’ I remember my Dad saying….’Frank you have finished your Masters, you have a good job and I am looking for a suitable alliance (arranged marriage) for your older brother. Do you mind if I look for one for you as well?’ I said that would be fantastic because we were all programmed for arranged marriage. I realised the reason he asked me was my sister and my mum were telling him they thought I was interested in Abby. At that time I didn’t have anything going on other than inviting her to my home. I think it was a couple of months later and Abby’s male friend came over and I found out that he was actually just her friend.
It was tough for a year. My Dad had started finding women for me to meet. He had a politician friends daughter who was a Doctor lined up and when he found out I liked Abby he was confused. I think my parents were worried about losing me to Australia. When they eventually came to Australia to see Abby’s family and friends they could see I was happy and they realised the family and the love surrounding that was huge. It wasn’t about 2 people, it was about the families surrounding us so it was much easier. Abby is very much into my family too.
One of the conditions when we lived in Sydney was whoever got the good job could decide where we want to live so in 1997 Abby got a job with the Dept of Agriculture as the Soils Advisory Officer in Wollongbar so we lived there for 3 years. During that time I worked at Ballina District Community Services as the Marketing Manager for BDCS. I was also doing my Masters in Communication at Charles Sturt. We bought our Lismore home in 1999, packed everything up and did a 6 months Indochina trip where our daughter Shifali was conceived. Shifali was born in 2001. I joined the Department of Health in Lismore in 2003 and I’m still there to this day.
Our son Tarquin was born in 2004. He was a home birth here in Lismore. Abby always wanted a home birth and initially I though it was a bit of a North Coast hippy concept but to be honest it was amazing. To be home, making tea, Shifali asleep in her room and bubby was born early morning. Abby was settled and happy and we had a great Doula from Nimbin. We were so close to the hospital if we needed it. It was beautiful.
My Mum was a great cook. Being the baby in the family I always helped in the kitchen and I was encouraged to cook. Normally boys in the family don’t mind becoming Chefs but nobody wants to be a cook. There are a lot of good Chefs from Kerala but I haven’t seen too many cooks. My sister is also a good cook so I learned from her too. When I came here I learned to cook food from different countries though I still cook a lot of South Indian food.
Every year we celebrate Onam which is the harvest festival of Kerala. It signifies prosperity and good fortune. The food is almost always vegetarian so it’s a traditional meal served on banana leaves with at least 20 different dishes. It’s very festive and we celebrate this here with family and friends in Lismore. (I personally have been lucky enough to experience these celebrations with Franklin’s fabulous cooking). As kids we had 10 days school holidays at that time and we would go everyday with baskets to collect flowers. We would come home and prepare floral designs and it was some of the best memories. Everyone would then get together to eat and celebrate.
I’ve been lucky to go back to Kerala every year in the last 5 years. It’s home here but Kerala also has my heart. It’s my birth place, I have family and friends there and when I go back I don’t speak a word of English. We are always welcome there and their doors are always open to us and our friends. Kerala means ‘land of coconut palms’ It’s beautiful and tropical with lush, green paddy fields and up in the hills you get all the spices, Pepper, Nutmeg and Cardamom. Further up you find coffee and tea. 25% of Kerala is state forest so it’s preserved. We have elephants and still a few tigers. It’s wild and dense. The terrain is impenetrable to humans in lots of places.
Some aspects of the Northern Rivers remind me of where I grew up. What I like most is my friends and the community here. I feel like I have a bigger family here. I used to worry about the distance to Kerala but now it seems closer. Speaking my language is what I miss the most. The richness in that is hard to explain.”