Craig

We moved to Townsville where I started my hairdressing apprenticeship. I’d had enough of school so I went to work. I finished my apprenticeship in Sydney at little salon in Oxford Street called The Cutting Room. I lived and worked in Sydney for 15 years. In Sydney it was easier to come out. I always knew I was gay but you didn’t want to come out in Townsville as it was way too horrid a feeling… I knew what it was like so I didn’t even come out to my family. In Sydney I realised what I always knew, that I was definitely gay. It was a lot more free and open down there…I had a good time. It was the 80’s so I’m lucky I never got bashed as gay bashing was prevalent at that time.

I moved through different jobs including a bit of waiting tables, cooking, managed restaurants and cafes. I worked at some pretty good restaurants I have to say…Mat Moran’s and all that lot. I worked at Sloane’s cafe which many people would still remember. It was iconic back in the day.

I had met my then partner Mark in Sydney and we decided to move up to the Northern Rivers. We lived in Rosebank for a couple of years where I baked cakes and desserts for the Rosebank Cafe. I also made lots of pottery as I was building my business – Mad Garden Art. I did all the markets, wholesaled to Sydney and Brisbane for 15 years and was still hairdressing in between. We also opened a restaurant above the Gollan Hotel in Lismore called Four Fingers because Marks Mum had taken it on. I went in as 2nd Chef but we realised the 1st Chef was pretty shit as he was an army cook so I became first Chef. It was bit tough because Lismore back then was still struggling with the food scene. Good coffee was hard to get and people back then still wanted the big steak thing.

Mark and I split 4 years later which at the time was heartbreaking but we move on and that was then. My life changed. I decided to go to Uni to do a Bachelor of Visual Arts which I loved. I spent a lot more time doing sculpture rather than ceramics. I had my work in a few sculpture shows and was still hairdressing at Pomstar in the Star Court. I built one off furniture pieces, renovated lots of houses, spent long time up ladders where I had a couple more accidents. One doozy landing on my back, grazed all my legs on the 2 cement water towers on the way down. I picked myself up again. I did 15 bathroom renovations on my own. I realise now it was a lot of bending, a lot of kneeling, my knees are stuffed.

I did my last bathroom and I noticed the pain in my spine was getting worse. There was bad nerve pain and numbness in my arm. I saw a Neurosurgeon who sent me off for an MRI. He said I needed surgery on both ends of my spine…top and bottom. There was no fluid going through my nerve canals. All my nerves were compressed and he said I would lose my legs. I registered in the public hospital and a month later I was in for surgery. They put me to the top of the list. They put 2 rods in my neck, left the discs which left me with some movement in my neck. That seemed ok for 3 months and then the chronic pain started. The nerves have grown back and they are not happy. I went back to the surgeon who sent me to Neurologist for 6 months…tons of tests and the result was Radiculopathy which is exactly what I went in for. He said, the surgery should have fixed that but it hasn’t. I said..it’s made it worse and he said..it usually does! The only warning I got was when I was lying on the tray ready to go into surgery his offsider said …You know this could be worse after surgery. They were right! I had the second lot of surgery on the lumbar where they put in rods and screws. They removed all the discs, put cages in to support the bone. There is no discs now in my lower spine, just a straight bone. They cook the nerves so they hopefully grow back better but they didn’t. Now I have ongoing pain. I can’t work, I can’t do ceramics, most things I used to do I just can’t. I have been doing 3 hours at the salon but I find it takes me days to get over the pain in my neck.

After the first lot of surgery a friend got a subscription to The New Yorker Magazine and there was an article on Opiates and opiate abuse saying that people were dying from opiate abuse because of it’s highly addictive qualities for people in chronic pain. Inevitably it is the opiates that kill them. I wouldn’t take them everyday even though I was in shocking pain because I was petrified that I might get addicted. Morphine patches made me ill. I would vomit for 2 days and looked like a junkie. The pain killer Oxycodone that did help is now going through a class action in the States for killing people and causing addiction. I’ve tried everything including medicinal cannabis. Ironically when I was doing pain clinic they said I’d probably be better smoking it than taking the oil. The oil is wonderful for auto immune diseases but it doesn’t help with chronic pain and it’s unaffordable for someone who can’t work because of the pain.

During the course of my life I’ve been lucky enough to have a child Ziah who I love dearly. He brings me great joy and always puts a big smile on my face, even through all of this pain. He still gives me a good laugh…just having a good laugh helps. He’s now 13 and he’s such a good young man. The pleasures in my life now are coming from things like that. The most joyous thing would be Ziah and another thing that brings me great joy is being able to sit at home and watch the wildlife. I’ve never noticed so much in all my life about how wildlife works. I now have time to sit and watch it and if you’re quiet enough they come to you. Last weekend I was sitting out on my verandah in my dressing gown having my morning coffee. I looked up and saw a possum in the rafters. All of a sudden this possum started moving toward me, my heart started pumping because they have sharp claws. Anyway she crawled up my leg and inside my dressing gown, sat there and starting licking my belly. I think I fell in love that morning. I had to get up to get dressed to go to the salon but I had this furry blob on my lap. (photo in comments). I went inside and put it on the bed, ran away to get dressed and next minute she’s climbed up my leg and onto my shoulder so I’m standing there with this possum on my shoulder licking my ear. I peeled her off and got her back on the rafter. When I got home she did the same again. She spent all night in my bed with me. She cleaned and preened me all night. She was so gorgeous. It turns out 2 were released on the farm where I live by wildlife carers. She’s taken off now but it was so beautiful. I’ve had run-ins with brown snakes. The closest was right by my foot. I did exactly what you’re supposed to do and did not move. It didn’t attack. I was even scared to move my eyeballs (laughs). I have Echidnas and Koalas and at the moment there are two magnificent Ospreys down at the dam.

Somehow I have to keep trying to do my art because it distracts from pain levels. I have to keep my mental health in check because it’s so important. Stress adds more to chronic pain. I have to drop things, not hold on. It’s not worth holding on to things that hurt you or things you can’t change.”