“ I felt like I couldn’t get any lower. I felt isolated and trapped again, I was in a relationship mainly because I didn’t want to be alone. I just had all these bad coping mechanisms. Living out in the Channon was difficult to meet people. Where do you meet people in the Northern Rivers? You meet people in a pub and they are already there drinking, maybe to drown their own problems. There are limited venues for a young person to create a healthy lifestyle around here. The majority of things we get together for are music events which are usually drug fuelled. People can say what they want about drugs but it’s not the best for mental illness. The majority of kids on the dance floor are meeting each other in a distorted way because people are distorted when you meet them.
I built up a portfolio and got a call from John Bortolin who is a Photographer. John published the book Manscapes which I’m in. It was really intense putting myself out there, especially nude. I just said.. Screw this! I’m sick of being scared, I’m sick of not wanting people to look at me, so I thought this is a good way to get through the anxiety. It was another flooding technique in a sense. It was interesting getting feedback about the photos to see how other people perceive me. My own perceptions of myself for the majority of my life haven’t been healthy.
I got my confidence up and started exercising more which really helped and then down I came again. I hit rock bottom for 3 months where I wasn’t able to contact anyone. I was trying to seek help in many ways, I tried anti depressants but it got to a point where my mind raced and I ended up attempting suicide. I woke up in the Psyche ward at Lismore hospital. A lot of shit went down which I don’t want to share. I was at the bottom of the bottom and I saw mental health at it’s worst. You really understand the effects of drugs in places like that. I was transferred to the Byron Health Centre where I got the help that I needed. I met an ex-commando guy from the army who had PTSD and he was a lovely person. He said to me… kill yourself with exercise. We exercised everyday and I realised how important it is for mental health. After seeing how much exercise impacted on me, others would come and join us and then they’d feel better. It was so good to see in a Psych ward. That place turned my mentality around.
When I left there I was invigorated about Uni again. I really wanted to get into exercise science so I decided to do a Bachelor of Human Physiology. I’ve been doing that for a while now. I was studying at SCU for a year and a Photographer called Paul Freeman who is one of the biggest male Photographers in Australia and Internationally contacted me. If you are a male model in Australia, you want to be photographed by this guy. I did a photoshoot with him and we set up social media. I deferred uni for a year and went to Indonesia. The shots came out and kind of exploded on the net. I was shocked as I never would have thought I could do this. I started exercising more and getting into PT.
When I came back from Indonesia I got a job at the Crystal Castle, worked in hospitality and saved heaps of money to go overseas. I got a call from Paul Freeman saying he was coming back from the States and flying up to the Northern Rivers just to shoot me. I was blown away. Here I was so down on myself. We did a shoot and ever since it’s been exploding even more.
I wanted to travel. I’m a country boy who’s only seen part of Australia and a bit of Indonesia so I need to travel. I worked 16 hour shifts 5-7 days and saved to do the big Europe, UK trip. The pics Paul was putting up were blowing up with all these Photographers in Italy, France, Portugal. All these people were calling and it was incredible. I planned the whole trip and I saved for three years. My life had gone from spending all my time alone in my shed on the farm wallowing in my own self pity to the chance of seeing the world. I had a contract lined up in England for 2 years managing a pub and Photographer gigs lined up. It felt like my whole life was boiling up for this moment and three days before I was to fly out Covid hit. I’m not saying I copped the worst here as people have been devastated through this in many ways. It’s not like…Oh, I can’t go overseas and get my photo taken (laughs). It will happen one day. I’m looking forward to the cultural change.
I never thought this little, isolated farm boy who didn’t want to be around anyone and would avoid anything social would become a male model and especially that most of my stuff is nude or close to nude. I still get anxiety but I have a manager now so I can’t hide in the corner. Without exercise for my mental and physical state, I can easily say, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have had the strength or the confidence.”
@christopher_woodward1994
I built up a portfolio and got a call from John Bortolin who is a Photographer. John published the book Manscapes which I’m in. It was really intense putting myself out there, especially nude. I just said.. Screw this! I’m sick of being scared, I’m sick of not wanting people to look at me, so I thought this is a good way to get through the anxiety. It was another flooding technique in a sense. It was interesting getting feedback about the photos to see how other people perceive me. My own perceptions of myself for the majority of my life haven’t been healthy.
I got my confidence up and started exercising more which really helped and then down I came again. I hit rock bottom for 3 months where I wasn’t able to contact anyone. I was trying to seek help in many ways, I tried anti depressants but it got to a point where my mind raced and I ended up attempting suicide. I woke up in the Psyche ward at Lismore hospital. A lot of shit went down which I don’t want to share. I was at the bottom of the bottom and I saw mental health at it’s worst. You really understand the effects of drugs in places like that. I was transferred to the Byron Health Centre where I got the help that I needed. I met an ex-commando guy from the army who had PTSD and he was a lovely person. He said to me… kill yourself with exercise. We exercised everyday and I realised how important it is for mental health. After seeing how much exercise impacted on me, others would come and join us and then they’d feel better. It was so good to see in a Psych ward. That place turned my mentality around.
When I left there I was invigorated about Uni again. I really wanted to get into exercise science so I decided to do a Bachelor of Human Physiology. I’ve been doing that for a while now. I was studying at SCU for a year and a Photographer called Paul Freeman who is one of the biggest male Photographers in Australia and Internationally contacted me. If you are a male model in Australia, you want to be photographed by this guy. I did a photoshoot with him and we set up social media. I deferred uni for a year and went to Indonesia. The shots came out and kind of exploded on the net. I was shocked as I never would have thought I could do this. I started exercising more and getting into PT.
When I came back from Indonesia I got a job at the Crystal Castle, worked in hospitality and saved heaps of money to go overseas. I got a call from Paul Freeman saying he was coming back from the States and flying up to the Northern Rivers just to shoot me. I was blown away. Here I was so down on myself. We did a shoot and ever since it’s been exploding even more.
I wanted to travel. I’m a country boy who’s only seen part of Australia and a bit of Indonesia so I need to travel. I worked 16 hour shifts 5-7 days and saved to do the big Europe, UK trip. The pics Paul was putting up were blowing up with all these Photographers in Italy, France, Portugal. All these people were calling and it was incredible. I planned the whole trip and I saved for three years. My life had gone from spending all my time alone in my shed on the farm wallowing in my own self pity to the chance of seeing the world. I had a contract lined up in England for 2 years managing a pub and Photographer gigs lined up. It felt like my whole life was boiling up for this moment and three days before I was to fly out Covid hit. I’m not saying I copped the worst here as people have been devastated through this in many ways. It’s not like…Oh, I can’t go overseas and get my photo taken (laughs). It will happen one day. I’m looking forward to the cultural change.
I never thought this little, isolated farm boy who didn’t want to be around anyone and would avoid anything social would become a male model and especially that most of my stuff is nude or close to nude. I still get anxiety but I have a manager now so I can’t hide in the corner. Without exercise for my mental and physical state, I can easily say, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have had the strength or the confidence.”
@christopher_woodward1994