“I was born and raised about an hour west of Dubbo on a thousand acre Deer farm which also had cattle, sheep and kangaroos. It was a beautiful place but very isolating. We were too far away from a school so we had to do distance education. My Mum was a studying teacher at the time so that helped. I have an older brother and sister. We lived on a hill and you couldn’t see another house so it was an interesting childhood. It was a very Aboriginal Community out there which was great and it was very much a cultural shock moving from out west to here.
It was very barren land. The only thing that would classify as community out there was the Baptist church. Everyone would come with their didgeridoos, we had hangi’s in the back yard provide by our Maori community at the church. It was lovely but it had its drawbacks. There was a lot of mental illness, neighbours committing suicide because of the drought, just isolation in general regardless of droughts and doing it tough. We had 7 years of drought which sent my family almost bankrupt. We got to the point where we couldn’t feed our livestock anymore because it was costing over $20k a month. Eventually we had to put them down. Some were saved by shipping them off to people but there was also an exporting crisis at the time with Malaysia and Russia.
My Dad was originally from Sydney and was over the city lifestyle. It was back when domestic foxes were a huge problem on native wildlife so he moved with his brother out west to go fox pelting. He built his own cabin out in the middle of nowhere and put years into building the farm we were on.
We moved here to the Northern Rivers when I was about 8 because it was the highest rainfall area. We moved to a farm in the Channon which had about 500 organic avocado trees. I think the first year of harvest we had 10 tons of organic avo’s. After polishing, stickers, processing, my Dad paying my brother and I wages as kids, all the necessary things to get them to the Brisbane market who then sell them wholesale to everywhere else, we made minus $100. When I was 17 I moved to Sydney and worked in a Butchers in Vaucluse where they were selling organic Avo’s for $5 each. Farming is like gambling.
I went to Summerland Christian College in Primary and then onto Byron Bay High. My parents were Agriculture teachers there. I loved Science. Science was everything to me because it helped support me with balance from my religious upbringing.
From the age of 13 I had depressive tendencies and struggled daily with social anxiety. I think growing up in such an isolated, rural community and knowing people who didn’t know how to deal with mental health didn’t help. No-one talked about it and I saw how much it affected everyone. When you see that as a kid you shut up about it as well. As soon as I walked into a school, my whole body shut down. I’d come from a school with 10 students to a school with 800 and I couldn’t cope with the heavy social anxiety. It was crippling. �
I moved to Sydney to try city life before starting Uni. I was originally in Manly and working in Vaucluse and eventually moved to Potts Point right on the corner of Kings Cross. I was working full time at a Butchers and my girlfriend at the time was modelling. I was also a part time Bookie for the races. It was pretty weird moving from not being able to see someone to not being able to not see someone. I felt like I had this paranoia. There were voices and noise everywhere. I never got time to wind down. The city is always on. My girlfriend tried to get me into modelling but I wasn’t up for it. I’d been brought up pretty conservatively.
We moved to ArmidaIe and I went to the University of New England to do a Bachelor in Agriculture, loved it but I couldn’t handle being on campus. I remember the hazing they do on campus. The Seniors put the new students through all sorts of stuff, some of which is not really pleasant. We’d get woken up every morning with the same song about 5am and have to go out for boot camp and lot’s of social interaction stuff which was not good for me in the morning. By the 3rd day when I heard the song I would vomit because of the anxiety attached to it. I’d shake and the more I couldn’t go the more they’d punish me. I hated the campus. It was a weird culture which promoted lot’s of drinking. I really wanted to learn but when I was half way through the semester I was having trouble dragging myself to lectures because I didn’t want to leave my room.
It got to the point where I thought..there’s something very wrong with me. Do I have Autism? Do I have learning problems? What’s going on with me? The day I was booked to see a Psychologist the Melbourne Cup was on so the place that’s meant to help people with mental health problems was closed for a gambling day. Unfortunately at that point I was in a place of wanting to explode. I quit everything. I was 18 and I moved back to The Channon feeling a bit lost. I wanted to figure out how to change myself and find a new job.
I saw an ad for topless waiters. I thought I can’t even talk to people, I start sweating and stuttering if I walk into a room of people. At the time I was learning about the flooding technique which is all about getting over your phobias. I went for the interview, got the job through the Wicked Waiters and my first job was with 20 young women having a hens night. I was meant to have a mentor come with me and put me through the ropes. He was half hour late so I had to wing it. I had kind of lied about my cocktail making skills. It was horrific and I was still shaking after but apparently I did a good job. After it was over I felt amazing, amazingly terrified but I kept going and did heaps more events. It was a scary yet therapeutic experience.
I got a job at a Macadamia factory doing night shifts. At 4am one morning I had an accident which severed nerves in my wrist and put me out of action for 8 months. I was on work compo and couldn’t do physical work so I moved back to Sydney to see if any agencies would take me but I was either too muscular or too country. I started working in bars in the Cross and after work walking home I got hit by a motorbike. I came back to the Northern Rivers and that’s where I entered a cycle of drug addiction. I was hooked on Oxycontin, not just weed. I got hooked on it when I was going through nerve reconstruction and then I found a supplier after my scripts ended.
I got to a point where I wasn’t looking after myself, my hair was long and straggly and one of friends said..Hey, go see Bruce Mann who’s a great hairdresser and his partner who has a promotion business for Myers, etc. I got a job through him and all of a sudden my life went from locking myself away studying to doing promotions. I was still suffering from depression but I was so busy I didn’t have time to focus on all that. I did end up burning myself out at that job and I couldn’t do it anymore. I learnt some good techniques to conquer some of my anxiety though. My girlfriend at the time and I were not in a good relationship so all the depression came back. I was trying to dull stuff so was smoking weed and trying to get my mind off myself, escapism at it’s finest. I was into that world for ages because I had no direction again. I hit rock bottom. I was only 21 and I had a couple of years of a degrading lifestyle.“
It was very barren land. The only thing that would classify as community out there was the Baptist church. Everyone would come with their didgeridoos, we had hangi’s in the back yard provide by our Maori community at the church. It was lovely but it had its drawbacks. There was a lot of mental illness, neighbours committing suicide because of the drought, just isolation in general regardless of droughts and doing it tough. We had 7 years of drought which sent my family almost bankrupt. We got to the point where we couldn’t feed our livestock anymore because it was costing over $20k a month. Eventually we had to put them down. Some were saved by shipping them off to people but there was also an exporting crisis at the time with Malaysia and Russia.
My Dad was originally from Sydney and was over the city lifestyle. It was back when domestic foxes were a huge problem on native wildlife so he moved with his brother out west to go fox pelting. He built his own cabin out in the middle of nowhere and put years into building the farm we were on.
We moved here to the Northern Rivers when I was about 8 because it was the highest rainfall area. We moved to a farm in the Channon which had about 500 organic avocado trees. I think the first year of harvest we had 10 tons of organic avo’s. After polishing, stickers, processing, my Dad paying my brother and I wages as kids, all the necessary things to get them to the Brisbane market who then sell them wholesale to everywhere else, we made minus $100. When I was 17 I moved to Sydney and worked in a Butchers in Vaucluse where they were selling organic Avo’s for $5 each. Farming is like gambling.
I went to Summerland Christian College in Primary and then onto Byron Bay High. My parents were Agriculture teachers there. I loved Science. Science was everything to me because it helped support me with balance from my religious upbringing.
From the age of 13 I had depressive tendencies and struggled daily with social anxiety. I think growing up in such an isolated, rural community and knowing people who didn’t know how to deal with mental health didn’t help. No-one talked about it and I saw how much it affected everyone. When you see that as a kid you shut up about it as well. As soon as I walked into a school, my whole body shut down. I’d come from a school with 10 students to a school with 800 and I couldn’t cope with the heavy social anxiety. It was crippling. �
I moved to Sydney to try city life before starting Uni. I was originally in Manly and working in Vaucluse and eventually moved to Potts Point right on the corner of Kings Cross. I was working full time at a Butchers and my girlfriend at the time was modelling. I was also a part time Bookie for the races. It was pretty weird moving from not being able to see someone to not being able to not see someone. I felt like I had this paranoia. There were voices and noise everywhere. I never got time to wind down. The city is always on. My girlfriend tried to get me into modelling but I wasn’t up for it. I’d been brought up pretty conservatively.
We moved to ArmidaIe and I went to the University of New England to do a Bachelor in Agriculture, loved it but I couldn’t handle being on campus. I remember the hazing they do on campus. The Seniors put the new students through all sorts of stuff, some of which is not really pleasant. We’d get woken up every morning with the same song about 5am and have to go out for boot camp and lot’s of social interaction stuff which was not good for me in the morning. By the 3rd day when I heard the song I would vomit because of the anxiety attached to it. I’d shake and the more I couldn’t go the more they’d punish me. I hated the campus. It was a weird culture which promoted lot’s of drinking. I really wanted to learn but when I was half way through the semester I was having trouble dragging myself to lectures because I didn’t want to leave my room.
It got to the point where I thought..there’s something very wrong with me. Do I have Autism? Do I have learning problems? What’s going on with me? The day I was booked to see a Psychologist the Melbourne Cup was on so the place that’s meant to help people with mental health problems was closed for a gambling day. Unfortunately at that point I was in a place of wanting to explode. I quit everything. I was 18 and I moved back to The Channon feeling a bit lost. I wanted to figure out how to change myself and find a new job.
I saw an ad for topless waiters. I thought I can’t even talk to people, I start sweating and stuttering if I walk into a room of people. At the time I was learning about the flooding technique which is all about getting over your phobias. I went for the interview, got the job through the Wicked Waiters and my first job was with 20 young women having a hens night. I was meant to have a mentor come with me and put me through the ropes. He was half hour late so I had to wing it. I had kind of lied about my cocktail making skills. It was horrific and I was still shaking after but apparently I did a good job. After it was over I felt amazing, amazingly terrified but I kept going and did heaps more events. It was a scary yet therapeutic experience.
I got a job at a Macadamia factory doing night shifts. At 4am one morning I had an accident which severed nerves in my wrist and put me out of action for 8 months. I was on work compo and couldn’t do physical work so I moved back to Sydney to see if any agencies would take me but I was either too muscular or too country. I started working in bars in the Cross and after work walking home I got hit by a motorbike. I came back to the Northern Rivers and that’s where I entered a cycle of drug addiction. I was hooked on Oxycontin, not just weed. I got hooked on it when I was going through nerve reconstruction and then I found a supplier after my scripts ended.
I got to a point where I wasn’t looking after myself, my hair was long and straggly and one of friends said..Hey, go see Bruce Mann who’s a great hairdresser and his partner who has a promotion business for Myers, etc. I got a job through him and all of a sudden my life went from locking myself away studying to doing promotions. I was still suffering from depression but I was so busy I didn’t have time to focus on all that. I did end up burning myself out at that job and I couldn’t do it anymore. I learnt some good techniques to conquer some of my anxiety though. My girlfriend at the time and I were not in a good relationship so all the depression came back. I was trying to dull stuff so was smoking weed and trying to get my mind off myself, escapism at it’s finest. I was into that world for ages because I had no direction again. I hit rock bottom. I was only 21 and I had a couple of years of a degrading lifestyle.“