“I’m 18! I was born in Glen Innes and I was sick when I was born with posteria urethral valves (PUV). I also had to be tube fed through my stomach and I almost died so they sent me to Sydney. They said Glen Innes was not the place to be as too far away from the treatment I needed. We moved to Lismore when I was 3 as it was closer to Brisbane, still with a tube in my stomach.
I have an older brother Tom and a younger brother Will. I went through Primary School at Bexhill and I had a kidney transplant when I was 12. I was in hospital for 6 months away from school and that’s when I developed Anorexia. I did not want to eat and it still to this day is ongoing. I’ve had this nightmare for going on 7 years. I repeated Year 7 and went to Kadina High. I wasn’t very good at school because I was getting suspended all the time.
I left at the end of Year 8 to go and live in Armidale. It was through BackTrack which is a youth organisation for troubled youth and more or less to keep kids alive. I got caught up in some pretty bad drugs in Armidale. I had started weed and cigarettes at 13 . I took the wrong pathway and started injecting ice. I was doing heaps of bad things that I don’t remember. After 6 months I had to go back to Brisbane to do rehab. I’ve been clean now for 18 months. It’s been tough as I was also a very heavy dope smoker and I’ve recently quit weed as well.
My dream is to get an apprenticeship in wall and floor tiling. I mean, it would be life changing because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. After rehab I was in Brisbane because Mum couldn’t handle living with me. I was all over the place and I went down to 40 kilos. I was sent to Lady Cilento Hospital in Brisbane where I was re-fed. I had bulimia, anorexia, body dismorphia, severe depression and anxiety which started at 14.
I lost my Pop who was like a father figure to me. I never got to say goodbye. My dad lives in Brisbane and I’m close to him and I also have a good relationship with my mum now. Things got pretty traumatic after Pop died and I got really sick after that. I had no job prospects, no social life and no friends. My learning and skills were chucked out the window. I got caught up in the wrong crowd again so these days I’m pretty lonely. When you give up the drugs and the pot and the people you did that with, you are lonely when you stop but I don’t want to go back.
I relapsed after Lady Cilento and got down to 38 kilos. I was in hospital for another 3 months in May this year due to anorexia with a nasal- gastric tube and I was suicidal. The thing that has really helped me is art. I brought art into my life which has given me focus. If I had an apprenticeship as a tiler I would find that as art and something I know I would be good at. I would really love to learn.
I got into drawing and art when I was in hospital. I was writing heaps of poems and raps. Now I have about 30 artworks. I was seeing a therapist in Brisbane. I just recently moved back to Lismore with Mum so Dad would give me another chance. They split up. I started to do an Art TAFE course but I didn’t like it because it was too hard.
I need to do a trade and I want to be more physical. I’m eating pretty well at the moment and I’m going to the gym so I’m really trying to fight for my life. My illness has taken most of my life away and I really want to be strong and have a job. I cry every night and I’m sad I don’t have a job to earn my own money.
I went through a stage in my addiction where I started hanging out with 40 – 50 year old men. I was very quiet about it and didn’t tell anyone but people found out and I’ve really never had a chance to live life like a normal person. When I’m home now I’m really lonely so I would really love to have an apprenticeship in tiling and to have someone to take me on would change my life and really help me out. I’m prepared to work, I have much more strength in me now and I just want to be happy again.
I look in the mirror and I don’t see a future in me, I don’t like who I am. I’m looking for someone who will give me a go. I’ve had enough of everything and I want my life on track. There is not a day when I haven’t cried, not because I feel sorry for myself but because I feel like I have let a lot of people down. I want to form a good social group without the drugs and the bullshit. I want to live life and know what dopamine is like from real life as I’ve never felt it. I’ve realised that food is so important in my life. I do struggle as I use to take heaps of laxatives. I’ve been committed to my meals and doing everything to get better. I get my P’s in February and I heard I can get them quicker if I get a trade. I get depressed but I don’t have anything to get my teeth into. I want a job so I can come home and feel like I’m proud of what I’ve done instead of sitting at home being lonely every day. It hurts being lonely.”
Footnote – If any Tilers out there are willing to give Ben a trial it would be so great. After spending the afternoon doing this interview I believe he really deserves a chance. Maybe a trial to see how he goes could change his whole life. Thanks, Denise.
I have an older brother Tom and a younger brother Will. I went through Primary School at Bexhill and I had a kidney transplant when I was 12. I was in hospital for 6 months away from school and that’s when I developed Anorexia. I did not want to eat and it still to this day is ongoing. I’ve had this nightmare for going on 7 years. I repeated Year 7 and went to Kadina High. I wasn’t very good at school because I was getting suspended all the time.
I left at the end of Year 8 to go and live in Armidale. It was through BackTrack which is a youth organisation for troubled youth and more or less to keep kids alive. I got caught up in some pretty bad drugs in Armidale. I had started weed and cigarettes at 13 . I took the wrong pathway and started injecting ice. I was doing heaps of bad things that I don’t remember. After 6 months I had to go back to Brisbane to do rehab. I’ve been clean now for 18 months. It’s been tough as I was also a very heavy dope smoker and I’ve recently quit weed as well.
My dream is to get an apprenticeship in wall and floor tiling. I mean, it would be life changing because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. After rehab I was in Brisbane because Mum couldn’t handle living with me. I was all over the place and I went down to 40 kilos. I was sent to Lady Cilento Hospital in Brisbane where I was re-fed. I had bulimia, anorexia, body dismorphia, severe depression and anxiety which started at 14.
I lost my Pop who was like a father figure to me. I never got to say goodbye. My dad lives in Brisbane and I’m close to him and I also have a good relationship with my mum now. Things got pretty traumatic after Pop died and I got really sick after that. I had no job prospects, no social life and no friends. My learning and skills were chucked out the window. I got caught up in the wrong crowd again so these days I’m pretty lonely. When you give up the drugs and the pot and the people you did that with, you are lonely when you stop but I don’t want to go back.
I relapsed after Lady Cilento and got down to 38 kilos. I was in hospital for another 3 months in May this year due to anorexia with a nasal- gastric tube and I was suicidal. The thing that has really helped me is art. I brought art into my life which has given me focus. If I had an apprenticeship as a tiler I would find that as art and something I know I would be good at. I would really love to learn.
I got into drawing and art when I was in hospital. I was writing heaps of poems and raps. Now I have about 30 artworks. I was seeing a therapist in Brisbane. I just recently moved back to Lismore with Mum so Dad would give me another chance. They split up. I started to do an Art TAFE course but I didn’t like it because it was too hard.
I need to do a trade and I want to be more physical. I’m eating pretty well at the moment and I’m going to the gym so I’m really trying to fight for my life. My illness has taken most of my life away and I really want to be strong and have a job. I cry every night and I’m sad I don’t have a job to earn my own money.
I went through a stage in my addiction where I started hanging out with 40 – 50 year old men. I was very quiet about it and didn’t tell anyone but people found out and I’ve really never had a chance to live life like a normal person. When I’m home now I’m really lonely so I would really love to have an apprenticeship in tiling and to have someone to take me on would change my life and really help me out. I’m prepared to work, I have much more strength in me now and I just want to be happy again.
I look in the mirror and I don’t see a future in me, I don’t like who I am. I’m looking for someone who will give me a go. I’ve had enough of everything and I want my life on track. There is not a day when I haven’t cried, not because I feel sorry for myself but because I feel like I have let a lot of people down. I want to form a good social group without the drugs and the bullshit. I want to live life and know what dopamine is like from real life as I’ve never felt it. I’ve realised that food is so important in my life. I do struggle as I use to take heaps of laxatives. I’ve been committed to my meals and doing everything to get better. I get my P’s in February and I heard I can get them quicker if I get a trade. I get depressed but I don’t have anything to get my teeth into. I want a job so I can come home and feel like I’m proud of what I’ve done instead of sitting at home being lonely every day. It hurts being lonely.”
Footnote – If any Tilers out there are willing to give Ben a trial it would be so great. After spending the afternoon doing this interview I believe he really deserves a chance. Maybe a trial to see how he goes could change his whole life. Thanks, Denise.