“ I was born in a city in Kerala, India and I have a younger brother. My Mum is a retired Head Mistress and she’s still alive. My father was a Photo Journalist in one of the leading newspapers in Kerala. We have huge albums of childhood photos. Dad was a voracious reader so from a young age I was always introduced to good books and National Geographic magazines were always at home. We were living in Kerala and I was going to school and my younger brother Thomas who now lives in Brisbane had a maid to take care of him as he was a little boy. Life was pretty good.
When I was 5 or 6 my Mum was teaching and Dad decided to go to Nigeria as a teacher. We had some relatives in Nigeria, my Mum’s older sister and her husband who had also taught in Ethiopia, Kenya were there, as was Mum’s sister and older brother. A year after Dad went to Nigeria we went to join him there. Dad was teaching in a place called Buguma. The capital of Nigeria is Lagos so before we boarded the plane we sent Dad a telegram telling him we would be arriving in Lagos on a certain time on certain day. Mum had never been on a plane or been away from India. Kochi which is the town I lived in only had a domestic airport back then so we had to fly from there to Bombay to the International airport. My Mum wore a sari which she still does and I remember she told me to always hold on the pallav of the sari so I didn’t get lost as she had my little brother in her arms. My brother cried the whole way to Bombay. The next morning after a sleepover we went to the airport and Mum went off to do checkin and sat me with these two men who were accompanying us. When she came back she couldn’t find me. The two men were sleeping, it was 3am. Mum couldn’t find me anywhere and after half hour of searching frantically, she found me at the big glass window looking out at the planes.
We finally boarded the plane and landed in Lagos. Mum looked everywhere and could not find Dad and she was terrified. She saw a lady with straight hair as all Nigerian people have curly hair. She said to the lady, my husband was supposed to be here to meet us. The lady was actually from Kerala too. She took us under her wing and we stayed with her in her hotel that night. We caught the plane the next morning early from Lagos to a place called Makurdi. Mum found another Indian lady who knew some of our family. She took us to my Mum’s brother who had no idea that we were coming so it was a big surprise. We drove to Dad’s place a few days later. Dad knew we were coming but not the exact date. Two days after we reached Dad’s place the telegram arrived to say we were coming so that explains why he wasn’t there to greet us.
Mum was a Biology teacher and Dad was teaching English at the school in Nigeria. My brother and I could not go to school there though because the kids in Yr 5 were 15 years old so they were so much older. The Principal let my parents take us to play around at the school. Two years later in 1983/84 Nigeria had the military coup so a lot of our family decided to go overseas. Mum’s brother went to South Africa, many of her friends came to Melbourne, a few went to NZ. Dad wanted to go back to India but Mum had a job at a school which catered for kids of people who were in the defence forces. She had taken 2 years leave to go to Nigeria but we went back to India. I was able to go to that school because Mum taught there.
Dad started a construction/furniture business. He was very much a self made man. Before he met Mum he had bought some land for 1,000 rupees and he’d built a house on it. We still have that house in Kerala. I’m very blessed to have had a very loving childhood. Saturday is a working day in India but every second Saturday of the month is a holiday so my Mum and I would go shopping and buy nice things. The love and support in my family always made me very grounded and that’s how I wanted to be when I had a family of my own.
I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Kerala. I did my Post Grad through the same college. That was 5 years of study and I was 22. In India that is a marriageable age for women. It’s funny when I look back because, with my daughters now marriage is a very open topic but at that time we never talked openly about marriage. It was always understood that arranged marriage was the way to go. If you find a partner of your own, in Indian terms we call it love marriage, which is a bit ironic. Back then you could do that but it would have been seen as bringing shame on your family and because India is such an intricate fabric of culture, caste and social norms, the last thing I wanted to do was offend my parents.
My parents thought it was time, so without me knowing Dad put a photo of me in one of the Marriage Bureaus. At that time there was a Marriage Bureau that was run by Catholic Priests. John and I are both Catholics. We have followed Lent every Easter and Christmas. School holidays I would go to church every morning, no-one questioned it. Because the bureau was run by the church it was considered more reputable. The one thing Mum was particular about was she did not want me to go into a house where I would have to live with the in-laws. My Mum didn’t have a great relationship with Dad’s parents. Mum’s parents had passed away when she was young so Mum didn’t want me to have the same thing. She wanted me to marry someone who was overseas so I could live my life without influence from either families. I didn’t know any of this. I was busy with my post-grad exams.
One day my Mum said — We received a phone call from a guy called John whose parents are coming to see you. John was working in Dubai at the time. He was 26 and told his Dad he wanted to get married. John went to the bureau and chose 5 profiles including mine. His dad rang my dad and the next step is a chance for the family to come to your house. To be frank, at that time I had just finished my post-grad and I was working as a guest Lecturer in a college there. Life was good, I’d started earning money. I had no plan to marry yet. I said, Let him come. I wore the daggiest tunic and pants, no make up. I wanted him to see me as I am. John came with his parents, his brother and sister in-law. We had a chance to be on our own to talk and John told me everything about his job, his history, his family. I paid no attention at all. He blabbed on and I was thinking…I’m not going to marry him. I liked the fact though that he was very honest.
That evening after they left his Dad called and said they were interested to proceed. The families then do a character check on each other. In India the families history is important when you are getting married. John’s family was very big and was well known. Everyone said they could 100% guarantee John was of good character. My neighbours guaranteed my character as well. After talking with my parents over a long chat it was up to me to say yes or no.
Anyway we got married. A month later John flew to Dubai. I followed later and lived there for 2 years. Rose was born in Dubai. I hated Dubai and we saw that Australia was advertising for teachers. John asked me to put in my CV and we got a call from an agency. It was nerve-wracking applying for migration without any help. Growing up, all these big things were done by our parents. I had to pass an English language test. We came to Australia in 2002 and I was working as a Parish Secretary in a church in Bankstown for 3 days a week. During that time I cleared all my exams for the Department of Education NSW. I stayed doing the secretarial job and worked as a casual teacher. I got a call from Hoxton Park High School which is very multi cultural. It was a tough time. Rose was 5 years old and I fell pregnant a second time. I started to bleed and I lost the baby. I think it wasn’t meant to be because I went back to teaching and May 31 I received a call from India saying my dad had terminal Pancreatic cancer. Mum was still teaching but she took a year without pay to care for him. I cut short my contract here and we went to India for 3 months. I feel so glad I was able to spend that time with him and being a casual teacher I had no obligations. John came back to Australia and Rose and I stayed till the August. He passed on August 22. If I’d still been pregnant I would have been 9 months or more and I would not have been able to travel. I came back and was pregnant with Rachel.
After gaining citizenship and approval to teach full time I had to find a position at a school. Rachel was born in March 24 and we didn’t have anyone to help with the delivery. John asked for a few days leave from his job at Centrelink and they said no so he had to let go of the job. Life was tough but after Rachel was born I had this faith that I would get a job when she was 3 months old. I prayed a lot and one day I looked at my Dad’s photo on the wall and said…Mum wanted me to move to a place nearby, my brother wanted a good job and by this time that’s all been done. You’ve been given Mum and my brother want they wanted. I’ve always been a good daughter to you. I’ve always done the right thing and I’m struggling. I really want a good job. That day I got a call from Alstonville High School. The Deputy Principal called me and he said yours is one of 5 teachers sent for the position of the Physics teacher here. Can you come for an interview? I said Yes without know that we were 800kms away. They offered a telephone interview which we did and in my panic I didn’t listen carefully to the name of the school so after hours I rang the school so I could hear the name on the answering machine. To be honest, I had done my majors in Chemistry. I could teach Physics but I wasn’t as confident but I said Yes, I can teach Physics. John came home one day and I burst into tears because I had got the job. We didn’t even know where Alstonville was. The Priest Father Thomas where I was working drove up here with John to check the area and he said he was a bit worried because he didn’t see many people from other races.
We came and applied for a house and got it. I started at the high school and it is a wonderful school. I’ve been there 18 years. In the Science faculty I am the oldest there. I love the school and I love my job. Everyone has been so supportive of me. I’m now very much a part of the community. One of the ladies there worked with Frank (Franklin Leader has a HOL story) Frank had heard that there was new family from Kerala in Alstonville so he gave his card to his friend. That evening we rang the number and it turns out Frank is my distant cousin from Kerala. That evening Frank, Abby, Shifali and Tarquin came over. The kids are all similar age and we shared food and have been friends ever since.
When I started working John chose to be a stay at home Dad and we started the food business. We do all the local markets around here, Authentic South Indian Food. Both our girls grew up here. They both went to Alstonville Public and Rose completed her Year 12 at Alstonville High. Rachel did her Year 11 and 12 at Trinity. Both the girls are living in Melbourne. John and I are very happy. Arranged marriage worked for us, it doesn’t work for everyone. I think the involvement of family helps and we’ve both gone through massive changes like coming to a new country, setting up a family and a business and I think we are a good team. We are so glad we came here. It’s an amazing place. We bought a house in Lismore and stayed for 10 years. We sold it in 2019 and found our house in Wollongbar through Frank’s friends Jess and Simon. We love it.”